My husband is looking to make some big changes in his life.

A place I’m familiar with.

As a former project manager, but lifelong organizational savant, I live and die by process and efficiency. I believe in it. And it works.

But when it comes to my own personal growth, those ways of being are so ingrained in how I approach everything that the conscious thought behind it all but disappears. Leaving me with an end point backed by hard work, dedication, practice and drive. Carefully analyzed to the point of exhaustion. And executed through the tiniest of baby steps, consistently monitored and measured.

And then there’s him…

So different than myself.

And I’ve felt helpless. A plethora of words that have gotten us only so far. Still too many miles away from where he wants to be.

Today as we spoke, a new train of thought flowed from my brain.

A series of steps that can be used to quantify an adage that falls from our lips all too often with a sigh, it’s progress not perfection.

1. Honestly and openly identify the problem. No bullshit. No lies. Excuses. Manipulations or alternate realities. The truth hurts. Get used to it.

2. Tools. All the tools. Things that spark joy. Recognizing them. Feeling gratitude. Practicing. Having so many amazing tools that are readily available at any given moment, that they span every situational circumstance imaginable to man or beast. These are your friends.

3. Making the right decision. This is hard. For everyone. Sometimes it flat out sucks, but becoming the person want to be and building the life you want to lead is only possible with consistency in the face of the hundreds of choices we make each day. And it will work. So why not? Be comfortable with the uncomfortable. You’re going to live in this space for a long ass time. Making those right decisions in the face of challenge and temptation, using those tools whenever you get stuck or lost, until…

4. And finally. Change. Critically thinking about the decisions you make in life time and time again. The reasons behind them. And following through with it. Will eventually lead you to that person and place you want to be. Someone who is x, instead of y. Not out of luck. But because you’ve trained yourself to think and behave in a different manner than you used to. One where you are making the right decision for what you want in life. And it feels good.

Good decisions. I’ve said it a dozen times here. They are completely within our own grasp. A revelation that over the last several years has freed me in so many ways.

One that I hope, can free him, too.

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