There’s something about the New Year. And of course, that enigmatic week after Christmas where time seems to stop so that all the thoughts about the past twelve months can marinate deeply.
We spent it at the beach.
The sound of the waves. Heat of the sun. Lack of technology. Days being marked by the rise and fall of the tides. It set the scene for the kind of serious contemplation that I needed.
How was the year?
I am more comfortable living internationally. I feel less alien. Can speak basic conversational Spanish. I have weathered the most unexpected of challenges and adopted a more casual no pasa nada attitude towards life, breaking out of a box of expectation I didn’t even realize surrounded me.
I am a more confident mom. And I enjoy it more. When I first took on the role of stay-at-home-mom, I struggled. Quite frankly, I didn’t know what to do. And that indecision and inconsistency created chaos. Especially for someone who has always been so sure of themselves and their ability to navigate the peaks and valleys, it was a lonely place. One where I didn’t trust myself.
So I read some books. And used the wisdom of others to find myself in this unfamiliar role. It’s not perfect or easy. I don’t expect it to be. But I am finally at a place where I have a foundation to stand on. One that feels guided more by thoughtful innovation, rather than raw emotion.
I am living a healthy, balanced lifestyle that supports my mental and physical well-being. I cook all our meals from scratch. Have significantly reduced meat, dairy, caffeine, refined carbohydrates, processed foods and sugar from our household. Use glass instead of plastic. All natural when I can. I wake up every morning to yoga or a run with my dogs. And sleep as much as I need to without guilt.
Lastly, I have worked at great lengths to improve the quality of the relationships I have. This includes working on a lifelong and debilitating struggle with social anxiety. Making new friends. And maintaining those across a deluge of circumstances and situations. Accepting others for who they are. And at the same time, not settling for less. Letting go of people, places and things that no longer serve me. While cherishing and cultivating the ones that inspire and support me for who I am. And for who I want to be.
My goals for 2019:
1. Write everyday
2. Reduce my phone usage
3. Continue to pursue new passions like music and painting
While I had to silence the harsh critic that resides inside of me at every reflective turn, I managed to eek out something positive that looks good on paper. And in turn, makes me feel really good in spite of some not so good things that may have transpired. I will continue to remind myself of the cliches that are as cliche as the New Year, itself. It’s about progress not perfection. The journey not the destination. And that half full glass that looks greener than the lemoniest of lemons life hands you.